A gentrified widow living in a village in rural England had received as a gift from her brother in Scotland a large freshly-caught salmon. It being much too large for her needs, she decided to hold a dinner party for a few of her close friends in the village.
On the evening of the dinner, shortly before the guests arrived, the salmon sat, poached and beautifully garnished on a platter on the sideboard. Her pet cat, sad to say, overcome by the fragrance of the salmon, helped itself to a sizeable chunk from the flank. On discovering this, the horrified widow. summoned her cook, and between them they were were able to restore the salmon to a presentable state.
The guests duly arrived, were served pre-dinner cocktails by the butler, and proceeded to dine on the salmon. Everyone agreed it was the best they'd had in years. During dinner, the butler came into the dining room and requested an urgent private audience with the widow.
"Ma'm, I have bad news. I've just found the cat dead on the kitchen doorstep."
"Oh Dear God," said the widow, "It must have been the salmon."
She returned to the dining room to share the bad news with her guests. "I'm afraid the safest thing we can do is to go the the local hospital and get our stomachs pumped. We can't take any chances." Her guests reluctantly agreed.
So ended what should have been a delightful dinner party.
The hostess was sitting in the library, sipping a very large and much-needed brandy, when the butler came in.
"Ma'm, I'm sorry to disturb you, but a gentleman who lives in the village came by to say he had accidentally run over the cat. He did not wish to disturb you during dinner, so he left the cat on the kitchen doorstep and waited until your guests had left before coming to deliver the news."
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Dead Rabbit
We have friends who live on a country road in West Virginia (aren't they all?) who swear the following story is true.
Next door lived a family who owned a dog that had, rightfully or otherwise, acquired a bad reputation in the neighborhood. In the house beyond lived a family who kept a pet rabbit. One weekend, the rabbit family were away visiting family. On Saturday night, the dog came home proudly carrying a very dead and very dirty rabbit, clearly identifiable as the one belonging to their neighbors. Needless to say, they were horrified. The husband, being practical, said, "Why don't we put it back in its hutch. Perhaps the owners will assume it died a natural death."
His wife agreed, but added, "First, we have to clean it up."
They proceeded to give the dead rabbit a shampoo, blow-drying it with the wife's hair dryer, until it looked almost as good as new. That done, they went into the neighbor's garden and put the rabbit back in it's hutch.
A few day's later, after the rabbit's owners had returned, the wives happened to meet over the garden fence.
The rabbit owner's wife said, "I just can't understand this. Our rabbit died last week, so we buried it at the bottom of the yard, We got back from our weekend to find it back in it's hutch."
Next door lived a family who owned a dog that had, rightfully or otherwise, acquired a bad reputation in the neighborhood. In the house beyond lived a family who kept a pet rabbit. One weekend, the rabbit family were away visiting family. On Saturday night, the dog came home proudly carrying a very dead and very dirty rabbit, clearly identifiable as the one belonging to their neighbors. Needless to say, they were horrified. The husband, being practical, said, "Why don't we put it back in its hutch. Perhaps the owners will assume it died a natural death."
His wife agreed, but added, "First, we have to clean it up."
They proceeded to give the dead rabbit a shampoo, blow-drying it with the wife's hair dryer, until it looked almost as good as new. That done, they went into the neighbor's garden and put the rabbit back in it's hutch.
A few day's later, after the rabbit's owners had returned, the wives happened to meet over the garden fence.
The rabbit owner's wife said, "I just can't understand this. Our rabbit died last week, so we buried it at the bottom of the yard, We got back from our weekend to find it back in it's hutch."
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